Licence to Parent

Really...
I have always thought that some people
just should not be ALLOWED to be parents.
After this weekend,
I am a strong believer,
that maybe there should be a

LICENCE TO PARENT.

If you are a spiteful...DENIED.
If you are a selfish...DENIED.
If you....

Let me stop before it gets Recognizably personal.

Who am I to avoid the truth?

This is personal.

Why is it that some people just can not mother?
&&if they can not mother,
WHY are they allowed to have children?

There are so many people,
like myself...
who may never be able to have children..
and then there are "people"
who have children, but dont deserve them...
that neglect them,
they make the children suffer for their
own personal selfish gain.

Yes,
I am speaking of the ex wife.
Yes,
She has once again taken me by suprise,
when it shouldnt have suprised me at all.

So here is the before story:

1. We were contacted asking for help with the kids laundry.
Even though we dont understand why this is ALWAYS a problem,
we agreed to help for the kids sake.
2. We were also informed that the kids school called to inform
their mother that they were attending school looking dirty and unkept.
3. Their mother called me requesting that I brush out and do the youngests hair
because she wouldnt "let" her do it. I agreed, of course.

Story:

Joseph and I went to pick up the girls from their Mothers and take them
with us to a birthday party at my parents house for my little brother.

1. NO clothes were gotten together for us to take and wash.
Their mother had all night, and all that day until around noon
to gather enough clothes for the week for the girls so that WE
could wash them. MEANING: The kids had NO clean clothes, uncluding socks.
2. The youngest was sent with us, without any shoes. LITERALLY. Their mother
informed us that she did not have any.

How do you have children,
but NO clean clothes,
and ABSOLUTELY NO SHOES?

OH,
but it gets worse.

I go to do the youngests hair, and I find HORRIBLE MATTS OF HAIR,
A huge matt of hair, larger than my fist, all the way to her skull.
I was horrified, I showed their father who was also in complete shock.

After phoning their mother,
who went completely defensive and began with the
"I HATE YOUs" && "NAME CALLING",
after simply asked why the youngests hair was the way it was.

*Side Note*
Talking Bad about People.
especially people who help you out,
when they really dont have to.
especially people who have NEVER
disrespected you...no.
Immature and childish.
GROW THE FLUCK UP!
When you have to call someone else
to buy your children
shampoo,
toilet paper,
do their laundry,
socks,
do their hair,
buy shoes,
get them jackets....
&&
THEN YOU HAVE THE NERVE??

let me wait...
there WILL be an "annonymous" letter
at the end this post...
where I will get all that personal stuff out.

It just hurts me to the core,
that people can be so spiteful to people...
and then put the kids in the middle of it.
&&
It hurts even worse that the law does nothing,
that the CPS cases can open and close
as many times as needed and nothing is done,
ONE time, oops, FIX IT.
TWO times, consider it your LAST warning...
THREE or more...UNFIT PARENT, your Finished.

or at least thats how it should be,
thats how it needs to be.

Children should not, not LET you do anything,
YOU are the parent, they do not run YOU,
YOU run them.

Her hair.
Matted like a long haired dog,
you know the matts that you cut out of the dogs hair when
it hasnt been brushed for who knows how long??
THAT was her hair.
Almost half a bottle of oil,
a bottle and a half of detangler,
and half a bottle of leave in conditioner,
and we STILL had to cut A LOT of her hair.
THAT, my child.
IS NEGLECT.

LETTER TIME:

DEAR EX WIFE:

I understand that you hate me, but there are things that need to be said. Whether it is my place to say them or not, I no longer care. I have done my part since I got with the kids' father to take care of them and help him better himself. YOU have told me yourself that you see a difference with him. I am sorry that he couldnt make those changes sooner, but sometimes relationships run their course, and whether you want to like it or not, yours did and it is not the kids fault. YES, he has messed up IN THE PAST. Yes, he WENT to jails and prisons, and you WERE there through it. Yes, he probably put you through some serious hell, but are you seriously going to stand there and tell me that you NEVER did anything to him? That you were always the perfect wife and mother? Because I am here to tell you that honestly, that is wrong. Nobody is perfect. Joseph is not perfect, he never has been and never will be, but neither am I, and neither are you. He has a rocky past, the two of you have a rocky past. But in the end you got three beautiful children out of it, so yes you hate him all you want but he is in your life forever. You can hate me all you want but I am going to be by his side forever. We know that Joseph has had a rocky past, he hasnt always been there for the kids, and truth of the matter is, you divorced him. He doesnt have to be there for you. His only concern is with his kids. The fact of the matter is that he is bettering himself, and rather than blaming him for the past, accept the present and be happy that your childrens father adores them, loves them, and wants to be a part of their lives. Including YOUR child, which HE has taken in since she was barely walking. As far as he can see it, that IS his child, and he doesnt have to say that, but he loves her. It could be worse. He could not be around at all, but he is. Sure he was in and out of their lives for a while, but the key word is WAS. Why punish the kids and not let them see their father or have a relationship with their father, because you dont approve of his actions...
what actions does he do that you dont approve of?
Keeping a steady job and going to work daily?
Or having a steady relationship with a successful woman?
Or keeping in touch with his mother whom you would rather "tattle tale" on him with?
Wanting to take care of his kids and spend time with them?
Sure you have been a single mother and done a lot on your own, for that simple act I applaud you. I will not however applaud you anymore. If you needed help keeping the girls clean or doing hair, we have been but a call away. When we did recieve that call it was too much of hassle for you to come through with your end of the bargain.
In last year or so that I have grown closer to Joseph, I have never seen you be the "perfect [ex]wife or mother". I have seen NUMEROUS times, you put yourself before the kids. Do you realize that when you threaten their relationship with their father that you blame it on everyone but yourself? When your the one who made the threats? You have no right to keep him from the kids or threaten him about losing the kids forever just because he is with me. How many people have you been with? Did they have jobs? College? vehicles? Just wondering. I have done nothing but respect you and help you with your kids, and what do I get in return? Vulger name calling? Threats? Who has picked you and the kids up when it was raining and Joseph was at work? Who has rescued you from being stuck out of town when joey couldnt do it? Who has done your kids laundry? who has bent over backwards to help YOU out...I was never here to talk shit about you or put you down. BUT..I PROMISE...If I EVER see her hair matted up even half the way it was when you sent her to me, I PROMISE, you will lose her. I PROMISE I will call CPS MYSELF. I PROMISE, if the girls are not clean, CPS will be called. YOU do NOT run shit when you can not even keep their laundry clean and hair brushed. YOU have NO right to talk shit when we return the girls in ten times better condition than they are handed to us. They are given to us half clothed, we put shoes on their feet and clean clothes on their backs. They are given to us dirty, we start the shower and wash their hair. They are given to us with matted hair, and we sit there for hours combing and brushing until its better. You mess it up, and here we are to pick up the pieces, but the love that we have for the kids goes too far to make excuses for your parenting skills. It is time that something is finally done about it, and something will be done. I PROMISE.

Sincerely,

His New Wife to Be.

She Lives On...

I believe that in everyones life,
one person is sent to make that difference,
I am not talking about your husband,
you children,
or anything like that.

I am talking about that one person,
who you look at, and completely admire.
The one person you look at with the most respect,
the most admiration, sincerity, and that person
that you hope youll be like one day.

Her name was Sandra D, but I called her Nana.

She was amazing in every aspect.

She was shockingly beautiful.
Her LONG dark hair that practically reached her knees,
her tall slender body and deep brownish eyes...
her peaceful smile and calming presence,
everything about her made her appear
YEARS younger than she really was.

She was just always there,
as long as I can remember....

whether it was late night walmart shopping trips with my grandma,
Erika and I in tow wishing so BADLY that we could go home already,
because walmart just ISNT that much fun at 2am when youve been there
for four hours already....
Who would have thought that one day,
those two little girls would grow up,
and want more than anything for one more long late night shopping trip.

It was 2004.
I was a sophomore in highschool,
sitting in my english honors class with my high school sweetheart,
when the classroom phone rang.
"Your mother is here to pick you up."
I knew right away it wasnt right...
something wasnt right.
My mom never picked me up from school.
I rushed to the office and she wasnt there yet.

I waited impatiently at attendance,
when i looked up, there was Erika,
Rushing violently through the doors towards me,
Arms open, tears streaming down her face...
she was hysterical...seeing her like that did it to me tooo...
we stood there.
In the attendance office,
"Its Nana, shes in the hospital"
thats all it took for my entire life to change.

I dont even remember the ride to the hospital.
I dont remember much of anything, but seeing her there.

Before they covered her eyes, they were open...
the gloss smeared over them to prevent dryness,
machines surrounding her...

Touching her hand,
talking to her....
crying with erika...
Code Blue,
rushing doctors,
nurses,
paddles,
her limp body jerking...

Stopping there...
some memories are just too painful to write about,
and bring up, no matter how long its been.

here I am just over 5 years later,
and the pain seems almost like it was yesterday.

I was at the grocery store with Joseph buying hot tea,
when I looked down and saw the canister of tea that my nana always
kept at her house.

I bought it.
I couldnt help it.

I havent had that tea since about a year before she passed when I
was last staying at her house.
Just the taste brought back memories....

Hiding quad crashes and Erika and I picking stickers from eachothers hair in the shower so she wouldnt find out.
she knew.

She did my hair really nice for my 8th grade graduation,
helped me pin my cap on so it didnt mess it up,
and bought my gorgeous flowers pinned on my gown....

taking me and erika to six flags,
and watching us from the ground as we went on the
freefall bungee thing.

Her tarot cards spread out on the tv tray in the livingroom,
my mom looking them up in her books and grandma over her shoulder.

Life just isnt the same without her...
I just wish I would have realized all of this before she was gone.
It shouldnt have taken her passing to break me,
to make me realize how important she was in my life.

Just goes to show you that its important to cherish those you love,
because LITERALLY in an instant they could be gone, she was.
And even though shes gone, she lives on.
Im my memory, in my heart, and is every part of my future.
I live to make her proud, to become the woman that I saw in her.

RIP Nana, you are missed.

Distant Family

I always thought family was family...

but then i grew up.

I realized that even though family is the one group
of people who you should be able to be yourself around,
depend on, respect, and be respected by, more times than not,
they arent.

I had it kind of tough growing up.
My mom tried her best but my biological father was not around...
she married an asshole and had my little sister,
during that period she kinda divorced the asshole.
we were hard up on money alot...
sometimes it was difficult to put food on the table,
and other times the bills didnt get paid.
There was always a lot of tension and it was just hard...

but I had another family member...
He was never hard up...
Him and his family were always VERY well off,
never struggled, went on family vacations, ate expensive dinners,
pretty much the opposite of my family...

NOW,
Years later.

They dont speak to us.
they think they are better than us...
and now THEY are the ones who are hard up...
THEY are the ones who have less money to spend
than they do mouths to feed or bills to pay.

&&
the invitation says laptop.

Yes.
They have not spoken to us in as long as I can remember,
I have sent email after email and IM after IM...
still NO RESPONSE,

until of course
they "NEED" help.
they "NEED" a laptop.

well...
When our families NEEDED food on the table, where were you?
When our families NEEDED to pay our bills, were you on vacation?
When our families NEEDED to save our houses or medical expenses, you werent there.

a LAPTOP?
NOT A "NEED".
&&
we are
NOT HELPING YOU.

Take it from the money you stole from our families, and buy your laptop.
Take it our of the money your spending to build your new house, and get your laptop.
but you WONT,

take it from our families.

It is crazy how my cousin and I were not close growing up,
really didnt know eachother at all aside from the fact that we existed...
and now that we are both adults, we realize how much we have in common,
how much our childhood and teenage years were alike,
and how many years we missed out on being family.
It is good to have her, to know that OUR families struggled and MADE IT. =]]

Where his are at? IDK.
What they are doing? IDK.

I wish them the best,
which is more than they ever said for us it seems.

The Ex Wife

I was always raised to say what I mean and mean what I say.
I was raised to know when was the right time, and when it wrong.
I was raised to know good from evil, happy from sad, bad from good, etc.
I was raised to know that the golden rule is real, its called KARMA,
and she can be your best friend or your worst enemy.

I learned growing up that the person you least expect to hurt you, will.
I learned that Love is ALWAYS different, with different people.
I have learned that the grass is not always greener on the other side.
&& I have learned that what doesnt kill you will always make you stronger.

What I was not taught is how to cope with an ex wife.
What I did not learn was how to handle being yelled at, called names, and threatened by a woman that I do not know...

Life should come with a handbook:
"HOW TO HANDLE HIS EX"
[[mental note: future book?]]

From the moment I began dating Joseph his ex wife has been very flip floppy.
One day shes nice, the next shes impossible to deal with.
Unfortunately it is the kids who suffer, it is Joey who suffers.

Joey has had a rocky past, but like my own past, we are leaving his past, in the past. His ex wife however, can not manage to do that.

He has turned over a new leaf, he works, takes care of his responsability, including his children, as much as she will let him.

The kids are used as pawns...as a sort of power tool...
if things are not done her way, then we, Joey is not allowed to see the girls.

It kills him. She drives him up the wall, and uses their kids as her tool to get to him, and he loves his girls so deeply that it really does.

I have never called her names, never got an attitude with her, and never been rude. She however has almost never NOT been any of those things to me. I have been called the most foul of names that a female can be called, I have been threatened and bribed.

NEWSFLASH:

I know what I want, and it is Joseph Johnson II.
Nothing, and NOBODY, is going to change that.
Words are not going to "scare" me away,
and silly little actions only make me laugh.

I think what really gets to her, or maybe needs to get to her.

She has lost her power.

My words to her are simple;

Dear Ex Wife:

You have no power over me. The things you say only make me laugh. When you try and hurt us, you only amuse us. We have reached that point where we do not care, he does not care about you, neither of us do. His heart is with his girls, you are meerly their mother. My interest is only in the girls, not in you. Your disrespectful actions and words only make obvious the reasons why he no longer wants to be around you, why he no longer can stand your presence or the mention of your name. Does it feel good to know that you, and you alone are the only cause for his hate for you? Your ghetto slang and high school name calling shows me that I am having to work with an immature, self centered, jealous girl. YOU, chose to divorce him. YOU choose to make his life hell. YOU yell at him on the phone, and YOU are jelous because he wants me, and you just cant figure out why. There have been many times where I have felt my temper rise from the immaturity that emits from your very being, however I know better. Even at my young age I am wise enough to know the difference between right and wrong. I will not post your poor parenting techniques on an internet blog for the world to critisize you for. I will not trash talk you by calling you foul names and threatening you, because that is a waste of my time. You are only the girls mother, the doner of my soon to be husbands children. He is for me who you wanted him to be for you, but couldnt be because I am the right person. What we have is perfection in the most amazing of forms, and you...can not begin to compare to what we share. Okay, you are the mother of his children. Congradulations, I am the woman he falls asleep with every night, holds when I cry, laughs when I laugh, and tells me he loves me every day for the rest of our lives. You have beautiful children, and I have a beautiful relationship with their father. If YOU choose to hinder their relationship with their father because of some personal issue that pertains to myself or my husband, than in the end it is YOU that is making the mistake. Nothing you can ever say or do can or will EVER change how I feel much less make me budge. I am in this for the long hall, so get used to me. You do not have to like it anymore than I have to like dealing with you, but there are children involved and one can only hope you will grow up enough to realize what is best for the girls and accept that split parenthood is not a dictatorship, it is a negotiation, it is cooperation with ONLY the best interest of the girls in mind.

Thanks,

His Wife<3

[[MJ2B]]

Ready Made Family

That red flag again; HE HAS FOUR KIDS.

At first I was not sure how to handle it...I was just the girlfriend, or was I just Daddys "Good" Friend? No. His girlfriend, or at least thats exactly how he put it when he introduced me to them. I was nervous, scared, stomach turning anxiety burst through every vein in my body. What if they didnt like me? What if they didnt want me with him? I would never make him choose between me and his children, it would always be them. End of story.

Thank Goddess, we never had to make that choice.

Facts:

At 21 years old I began dating Joey, who is 28.
He has four girls, ages 5-12.

At 22 years old I will become Mrs. Joseph Johnson.
My name will be Megan Elizabeth Johnson.
I will be the step mother to four beautiful girls.

That is in less than two months,
and just thinking about it brings a whole new world
of happiness into my life that I can not wait to set out on.

People ask me all the time;

Are you sure you are ready to take on four girls?

I was ready the day that I accepted our relationship,
otherwise I would have never got with him in the first place.

It is so soon, are you sure you are ready to get married?
I have never in my life been in such an amazing relationship,
with such an amazing man that I love, and am loved by solely and completely.
I believe with everything in me that anything is possible as long
as we both are in it for the same reasons, and there is NO doubt in my mind,
that we are made for eachother. Yes, I am sure.

So.
I am going to marry Joseph B Johnson II,
I am going to become his wife, and he my husband.
I am going to also then accept and take on his kids,
as I already have throughout our relationship.
&&I am going to do it because i KNOW it is right.

A New Begining

I was indepenant, single, hardworking, and supporting my ex who I was still with. That is when I started getting to know Joseph better. I have known him since I was something like 14 years old, however he was just a really close friend of the family, and had a wife and kids. I was a teenager who had better things to do. Who would have guessed that one day, he would be my soulmate, the love of my life, my husband, and those little kids would be my step children.

My ex fiance and I broke up for reasons that we will leave in the past, and somehow Joey and I just fell together perfectly. We were just friends, never even once thought that we would end up a couple, much less married. I felt it best after the break up to move back in with my parentals, where Joseph just happened to be renting with. We stayed up late talking about everything for a week straight...and still had no hint that it would lead to anything. Then before we knew it, every night was movie night, and it lasted till four in the morning cuddling on the couch talking, and yes we were actually talking, no kisses or anything had occured (yet haha). A small family get together a week before new years 2010 was all it took for us to be lockin in forever...One kiss in the back seat of his best friends car, and we both knew that it was more than either of us were ever expecting to have felt.

There were red flags flying up in every direction for me, all of which I dismissed instantly with that kiss. He has four kids, oh well. His ex wife causes A LOT of drama (understatement), I can handle it. He drinks a lot more than I do, Ill get used to it. Nothing seemed to matter, except that we were seemingly perfect together.

New years arrived, and the week before was bliss. Family and friends and everyone came over to celebrate the coming of the new year with us. By then, we were officially exclusive, but in denial because of the seven year age difference and four kids factor. However, that eventually drifted as well...and we became official. January, Feb, March...amazing. Despite his stubborness and vow to never marry again, joesph and I decided that we wanted to never be without eachother and will tie the knot this coming June 2010.

That brings us to the present, April 2010. We are happily in love with eachother and would have it no other way. We have our problems just like every other relationship, however its never too much for us to handle. Day by day we learn and appreaciate eachother more and more. I can see in his eyes the way he looks at me, that we are secure, safe, and in love....and thats the way its going to stay.

The past is the past....

My original intention of this blog was going to be to talk about my past, however I realized as I kissed the love of my life before he left for a long night of work, that the past is the past for a reason. The past gives you reason to appreciate the present. Like everyone else I have had my share of family problems, rocky childhoods, great memories and not so good ones, broken hearts, and failed relationships, the difference is that I have chosen to leave it all behind...because each one of those things, no matter how terrible or upset I was at the time, molded and paved the way to where I am today...I am not saying that my life is perfect. I have my share of problems and things to stress over, I have days where I just stay in bed, and days where I wish I could just stay in bed but cant. I really have no regrets in life, everything that I have done has in some way shape or form made me into the woman that I am today, and that, I am more than happy with. Thinga happen for a reaon, even if you cant see that reason while your in the middle of the crisis, nothing happens just because, theres always, ALWAYS a reason, and sometime, one day, maybe years from now itll click and itll make sense to you, and only you will be able to understand...

So in the end, my advice to everyone,
Leave the past in the past,
and build yourself a future you can be proud of,
surround yourself with people you love and that love you,
laugh it off, live it up, and rock on.

-MJ2B