Parenting comes with Pain...

It is amazing to me,
how one person...

can change how you feel
in an instant.

sometimes that feeling can be amazing,
like when you kiss your kids goodnight,
or recieve flowers from your husband...

other times it creates a pain inside you,
a pain that is unexplainable...

That is where I am at.
Pain.

It has been a while since I have written,
and quite a bit has happened....

One kid was at school sick and nobody was able to be reached,
I recieved the phone call at 12:30pm...
She had been sick in the office since 9am.
They said they couldnt find anyone to pick her up,
so I went.

I picked her up and asked her where her mom was,
thinking I could take her home instead of bussing
a sick kid around with me.

She told me that her mother was in LA,
for TWO DAYS.
Their gas was TURNED OFF,
and her 12 year old sister was left responsible
for her three younger sisters and the apartment.

Joey and I called the school and got the CPS number,
however we did not get the chance to call them.
We found the court documents online and found out
that he has no custody and suspended visitation...

It was right about then that the pain really started to hit.

We went to pick up the two younger kids from school,
so that they werent at home alone, they could stay with us.
Their Mothers mother beat us to the punch and was already there.
We took our sick kid home with us, and waited.

We eventually took her to the "babysitters" house,
where her sisters were as well.

The next morning I recieved a call from my mother in law.
She said that Birth Mom called her crying,
the girls had been taken away by CPS and were with their grandma.

As angry as we were with BM, it was a sigh of relief.

However, the weeks to follow have been torture to me.

I never knew how much I could love someone,
until those girls and their dad came in and stole my heart.
Everyday that I am unable to talk to them, or see them...
my heart breaks a little more.

Part of me feels rediculous,
but I can not help it.
They mean the world to me,
and without them,
I am miserable.

I am happy that they are with their grandma,
and being taken care of...
But it hurts that I dont get to see them like I was.

The stress has put a strain on Joey and I,
we see the stress and are able to work through it,
but its not in the least bit easy.